Alex Mathews

Alex Mathews – writer, bared naked dude blah blah blah

Affiliate Marketing Obsession

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I have a bookmark folder on my computer, called Affiliate Marketing Obsession. Every so often I become obsessed with starting a website to sell everything in the world for a small share of the profits. On the internet you can do this with pretty much everything there is to buy in the whole goddamn world. I can sell dildos, porn site memberships, new accounts for online casinos, erectile dysfunction cures, vacations, hotels, cars, homes, clothes, toys, books, dvds, brokerage accounts, stock trading educations, whatever. All I need is a website and a linking code that gives me credit for referring a customer to any of the millions of sites setup to peddle this crap.

I always start with the same worn out notion that I will become extremely wealthy by selling acai berries for a commission of $20 dollars per sale. I vow to sell ten people on the virtues of acai berries every day for a daily profit of $200, and a monthly income of $6000. Easy, right? How hard could it be? The internet has billions of people using it everyday. Ten of them must need acai berries. I am not asking much, right?

And it goes on like this: If I can sell acai berries to only ten people a day from only one website and become financially independent, why not amass a web kingdom with one hundred sites, each selling ten people per day on the virtues of acai berries for a daily profit of $20,000 and a monthly income of $600,000? I think I did the math right there. With $7.6 million dollars just for my troubles in one year, my life is already changing, man. And if acai berries are so profitable, why should I not apply the same principle to every fucking thing there is to buy on the internet? And I mean everything is for sale.

So I start with acai berries. I build a website so beautiful, and so ready to sell these things to every visitor that comes by. I find the most reputable seller of acai berries there is, and I start sending traffic to my site. Then I check with my acai berry dealer and see that during the month I have sent twenty people to their site and not one of them is smart enough to know that they need acai berries, and I need them to help me get the money the world owes me. Bastards. Don’t they know how good these berries are?

And it’s not like I have come up against the law of large numbers either. My business plan doesn’t rely on getting every person in the world dependent on my website as their source for acai berries. 3,000 people per month, that’s all. 36,000 per year. I could be years at it before I fill the actual demand for acai berries on a planetary scale.

So despite the fact that I do this every few months, I continue to dream like this.

I google affiliate programs. I try to crack the code for getting top listings on google. I research, and query, google and google again. And all I find are more people trying to sell ten people per day on something. Not acai berries per se, but maybe just how to sell acai berries. Why get your hands dirty with acai berries if you can just show people how to sell them. There must be ten people a day who want to pay to learn that. I give up.

The internet is a fucking ponzi scheme.

But I will be back next quarter, with the same idea. Maybe next time it will be diet pills. Somehow I won’t die happy until I get everyone in the world to just give me a dollar.

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